robot singing asmara

Hello blogspot;

2011-12-29T11:49:00.001+08:00

For a second, I thought I could at least post up few pics of my son. But am terribly overwhelmed with everything that I could possibly relate to my jourrney of being a mommy. Later maybe?

No love can beat maternal love. No kid.

Alive & kicking, still.

Our first attempt;

2011-10-24T22:24:00.001+08:00

real shit;

2011-10-06T17:40:00.003+08:00

happened last 28th September 2011;

"Beloved" Empire Shopping Gallery technically exploded (er...only a little part of the leftside of the building). Friends, families, relatives SEMUA concern & ingat aku akan cuti lama. Yeaaahhhhh right, no no no. More shits happened... (Malas nak jelas further).

Rasanya cukuplah, perlu cari kerja lain. Kerja impian yg aku gembar-gemburkan ni tak se-cool mana pun ye kawan2. Sekarang saya ada Iman Dhani. Cukup2 lah saya abaikan Robot Asmara.

Ini luahan ikhlas saya, sorry boss, I hate you.

shits happened, it's just that i never tweet it;

2011-08-15T16:24:00.003+08:00

The moment I decided to leave Bernama for current beloved Empire Shopping Gallery, I was full of determination & passion & was totally looking forward to pour in my heart & soul to the new job. And thus, that was all I did. Months to go for the wedding, I was still crazy over Empire Shopping Gallery. Till one fine night, after my usual weekends' meet up with my then fiance (now hubby) lead to another hang-up with his friend at one of Arabic Restaurant in Damai, I then out of sudden collapsed on the road. Yeah, unconsciously collapse & bang my face on the road. The details are quite too scary to be explain. Am still having a fake rabbit tooth up to today. Eating a crunchy apple would be a problem to me since then. At 1 point I was afraid the fake tooth would come out during labour, but it survive...fuhh...

Then we got married. I would like to pass all the family/preparation/chaos before/during after the ceremonies.

My then step-dad got prostate condition, he missed the reception in Kuantan. Sadly, my mom attended Kuantan's reception with her 2 cousin sisters ONLY. Yes, I would like to pass my family chronic panic relationship also.

Wedding receptions passed, meanwhile, I had to deal with long distance relationship with hubby, weekend husband & wife. Life was horrible. Too many screaming session. Last year (2010) Ramadhan, I got to know that I was pregnant.

I was a happy pregnant lady, hubby finally got permanently transferred to his main office in KL. Alhamdulillah. As am starting to mend my new family life, little I realized, mom was having problem with hers. I would like to pass the details of the problem too, hubby 1st raya with my family was quite sad. Enough said about that.

Early 2011, I was heavily pregnant, of all the dramas, ups & downs, my mom & then stepdad (now no relation at all) finally ended it. Their 17 years old marriage, end. Then mom is alone again, decided to go on with her life taking care of my 18 years old special down's brother (yeah, we have a special boy in our life all these while, we love him so much).

April 2011, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Iman Dhani. Unlike any other mother, it was quite difficult for me to cope up at first. Then I realized, am no mommy material but that doesn't mean I cannot try my very best to become one. Bond between a mom & a child grows inevitably incredible. Today, I dare to say, I cannot live without him, my child, my Iman.

Now, Ramadhan is here again, am a different person all over, my mom is a different person all over, our whole life is different all over, but we still survive pass, current & prepared for awaiting shits.

For more shits, till the next entry.

Ramadhan ini;

2011-08-04T14:18:00.003+08:00

Saya sedang berjuang.

Untuk teruskan niat suci susukan Iman Dhani.

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah rezeki buat anakku.

pendam;

2011-07-26T15:33:00.003+08:00

usul kau kata aku sexist tu aku sangkal. sebab bila ianya keluar dari mulut ibu kau, nescaya kau takkan rasakan statement2 tu sexist. masalahnya, i think you people got issue cause bukan tanggungjawab perempuan untuk pening memikirkan ekonomi keluarga yg tak menentu, kena pikir tentang bil tertunggak sambil susukan anak, memang la susu tak keluar kan? so? jgn salahkan aku kalau kita terpaksa bagi anak susu tepung kelak. lelaki2 zaman sekarang mmg terlalu manja. sekian.

sehidup belum tentu semati;

2011-07-26T11:56:00.002+08:00

"hidup saya susah", kata aku.

silence.

kesakitan aku terlalu aku tunjuk2kan mungkin, sampai kau rasa sakit itu tidaklah separah mana. hidup aku ni terlalu aku habis2kan dengan menuntut perhatian dari kau. sudahlah, aku letih.

semakin jauh, semakin dalam;

2011-07-20T16:07:00.004+08:00

hidup kita manusia ni, semakin jauh perjalanannya, semakin dalam permasalahannya. aku click entry-entry aku tahun2 dulu, rasa malu sendiri, entah apa2 yg aku rungutkan. tapi at this stage mcm sekarang ni di mana benda2 penting yg mmg bukan saja mengundang migraine malah boleh akibatkan urat saraf otak putus, makin kurang pula aku merungut. bila kala aku jatuh tersembam paling bawah sekali dalam hidup, jari jemari aku tak sampai pula ke sini untuk sesi luahan. kenapa? aku kurang pandai bercerita or maybe aku terlalu byk baca blog org lain yg buat aku rasa depa lebih malang dari aku.

........

mama, kembali seorang diri after so many years of marriage with the stepfather, we all failed to hold it up any longer. at first, aku rasa everything going to be fine, ada or takda suami kan dia tetap mama aku, one and only wirawati ragaku. asalnya kami dok leka fokus pada perkara2 funny yg tak pyh lagi kami ulangi seperti berhempas pulas menyediakan makanan gaya keluarga Haji Bahari di hari raya, berdarah2 telinga tahan pertengkaran kami sesama famili. Mama kata, Tuhan dah tentukan semuanya, kata mama dia memang ditakdirkan bela cucu, kalau Haji Bahari still around, mungkin mama tak dapat jaga Iman. TAPI.

........

Sebut pasal Iman, cinta kita dengan anak ni, makin lama makin dalam tau. Langsung tak sama mcm cinta kita sama kekasih. Serius. Hari pertama Iman datang dalam hidup aku, aku menangis sebab takut am losing my old-self, nipple hancur berdarah sebab nak breastfeed. Tapi hari ini aku akan menangis kalau kena kerja lebih masa tak dapat balik awal jumpa Iman Dhani. In future, I bet I'll cry when Iman start bergayut on the phone lama2 sama girlfriend.

.......

Aku tak merungut bila kena berpantang sendiri after melahirkan itu hari. Tapi memang Tuhan nak duga kami anak beranak, mama jatuh sakit. Berpantang dgn mak sendiri tak sama ye berpantang sama mak mentua. Rasa sedih je selalu masa dalam pantang. Dalam nangis2, lepas juga hazab berpantang then mula kerja, hazab battle every morning pula. Dari Penchala, have to drive down to Cheras to send Iman to mama's then heading up again to Subang. EVERY MORNING. Tapi aku kental, asalkan dapat spend time sama Iman, kejap pun jadilah sebab by the time I get to see Iman again after work, Iman dah tido.

........

TAPI. Haji Bahari kahwin lagi. Aku tau hati mama hancur pedih di sebalik senyum gelak tawa dia tu. Paling sedih, aku sebagai anak, tak dapat buat apa pun untuk legakan hati dia. Malahan susahkan dia lagi mintak jagakan Iman. Menda-menda macam ni, cemanalah nak kongsi dengan suami. Kita faham lah hati perasaan mak kita, takkan kita nak harapkan org lain faham juga kan. Susah. Kadang2 aku fikir, kalau aku tunggu sikit lagi & tangguhkan perkahwinan aku, agak2 mesti parent aku tak divorce. Kalau memang dah takdir mama hidup sendiri di akhir2 hayat dia ni pun, aku single, aku boleh la jaga dia betul2. Tapi ni semua ketentuan Dia. Tak baik aku nak sesalkan. Bila dah jadi isteri ni lain, mak kita sendiri pun akan rasa lain. Nak duduk lama2 kat rumah anak, tak senang punggung. Nak ajak aku buat apapun, kena pastikan suami izinkan. Berbelah bahagi rasa.

.........

Tapi hidup, hendak tak hendak, mesti diteruskan. Boleh tak boleh, hari2 berlalu juga. Kena harung, kena harung.... Makin dalam makin jauh....

bercinta & berkeluarga;

2011-07-13T11:21:00.005+08:00

here. sampai lagi aku di sini, dalam situasi di mana aku perlu squeeze dalam2 akal fikiran aku utk buat the best decision at this point of time in life. tentang kerja, kerjaya & keluarga. kalau dulu, aku boleh kata aku ingin lari jauh2 tinggalkan semua, bertapa di pulau idaman tempat tiada siapa boleh cari aku, sekarang biar apapun terjadi, tak mungkin aku tinggalkan iman. kata mama, susah cemanapun, aku kena harung juga sebab now aku ada iman. aku nak merungut perihal duit tak pernah cukup. masa tak pernah cukup. jangankan nak melepak berjam2 habiskan masa di kedai mamak layan teh tarik dgn kawan2 or nak melaram tukar ganti 5-6 round baju sebelum keluar, kalau aku dapat mandi & duduk dalam bilik air lebih dari 5 minit aku dah cukup bersyukur. mana nak kejar buat itu ini, mana nak tatap muka iman yg aku sayangi, mana nak fikir campaign raya tahun ni untuk empire shopping gallery, sudah bila nak fikir pasal diri sendiri? dalam banyak2 perkara menghentam aku sekarang, suddenly ada curiosity membuak2 dalam hati aku nak tau apa ada dalam hati ahmad razin ahmad faudzi.... aku rindu kami yg dulu..

sayang anak;

2011-07-12T18:39:00.003+08:00

yes, i fully breastfeed my baby. yes, i pump out my milk everyday at work. I AM FREAKIN' FULLY BREASTFEED MY BABY. inilah satu2nya masa aku nak puji diri sendiri, AM PROUD OF MYSELF. good job helina, keep it up!

career & family;

2011-07-12T10:59:00.000+08:00

maybe akan say goodbye to Empire Shopping Gallery?

perempuan berkorban, lelaki bertahan;

2011-06-23T11:10:00.004+08:00

Semalam aku mengomel, perempuan sinonim dgn pengorbanan, ASAL PEREMPUAN PERLU BERKORBAN, terus ada kawan yg mengingatkan, sedangkan LELAKI SELALU BERTAHAN. Fair enough. See? Am quite easy to please lately.

Percaya tak kehidupan sebenar seorang wanita bermula setelah melahirkan? Aku tak pandai nak share isi hati dalam sini sebab asyik baca tulisan orang2 yg power berblogging, buat aku rasa rendah diri nak tulis tentang apa pandangan aku tentang having a baby. Sebab selalunya, pandangan telus aku orang anggap bukan2. Cukuplah aku katakan, nowadays aku boleh duduk depan Iman selama berjam2 just to watch him sleep. Orang kata kasih sayang ibu tiada tandingan, nah sekarang aku dah rasa.

Selamat Hari Bapa;

2011-06-19T13:14:00.006+08:00

Kamu org boleh cakap apa saja tapi tak perlu ayat ini; "seteruk or sezalim mana dia pun, dia tetap ayah kamu". period. KAMU ORANG TAKKAN DAPAT BAYANGKAN KEZALIMAN YANG DIA DAH BUAT. so, selamat hari bapa lah kepada bapa2 okay. period.

p/s At least from now on I can wish happy father's day to my dear husband. Alhamdulillah. :)

pantang

2011-06-03T11:18:00.005+08:00

ada air mata gembira, air mata sedih, air mata stress, air mata tak tau kenapa keluar air mata segala bagai sedang dalam pantang ni. 44 hari rasa lebih lama dari 9 bulan (in my case almost 10 months mengandung). kalau orang minta aku describe perasaan mempunyai anak, mengandung, melahirkan and sekarang melihat anak dpn mata setiap hari, ya ampun, tak dapat aku nak gambarkan dgn perkataan. bahagianya cemana, sengsaranya cemana. bila aku asyik meng-google blog2 org baca pengalaman mereka dulu, tak penah sekali pun terlintas dalam fikiran aku, i would break down & cry di hari aku mula susukan iman.

berpantang sendiri mmg mencabar, mana nk mandi, nak siapkan makanan, nk look after the baby at the same time kusut tgk keadaan rumah yg carca marba. bila nmpk kelibat diri depan cermin, rasa our old-self slowly walk away, kita automatically menjadi org yg baru, seperti kita yg dulu takkan datang datang lagi.

aku rindu aku yg dulu, melihatkan senyum anak dgn mata bulat pandang tepat ke arah aku, ya Allah, hidup aku sekarang tiada lain selain utk dia.

my iman 33 days old

28 april 2011, hadiah dari Allah swt;

2011-05-02T20:17:00.003+08:00

IMAN DHANI AHMAD RAZIN

Born at Putra Medical Centre on 28th april 2011, 11.30am, weight 3.7kg

Allahuakbar;

2011-04-22T16:10:00.003+08:00

Doa perempuan lebih makbul daripada lelaki kerana sifat penyayangnya yang lebih kuat daripada lelaki. Ketika ditanya kepada Rasulullah s.a.w. akan hal tersebut, jawab Baginda s.a.w., "Ibu lebih penyayang daripada bapa dan doa orang yang penyayang tidak akan sia-sia".

Apabila seseorang perempuan mengandung janin dalam rahimnya, maka beristighfarlah para malaikat untuknya. Allah s.w.t. mencatatkan baginya setiap hari dengan 1,000 kebajikan dan menghapuskan darinya 1,000 kejahatan

Apabila seseorang perempuan mulai sakit hendak bersalin, maka Allah s.w.t. mencatatkan baginya pahala orang yang berjihad pada jalan Allah s.w.t.

Apabila seseorang perempuan melahirkan anak, keluarlah dia dari dosa-dosa seperti keadaan ibunya melahirkannya.

Apabila telah lahir anak lalu disusui, maka bagi ibu itu setiap satu tegukan daripada susunya diberi satu kebajikan.

Apabila semalaman ibu tidak tidur dan memelihara anaknya yang sakit, maka Allah s.w.t. memberinya pahala seperti memerdekakan 70 hamba dengan ikhlas untuk membela agama Allah s.w.t.

surreal

2011-04-02T11:52:00.003+08:00

for anyone who knows me, i don't blame you guys for labelling me as a grumpy complainer whom forever never happy with whatever situation it is. it's okay, i learned how to accept criticism nowadays. smile.

it must be the pregnancy hormones. for sure. without realizing it, am a happier person? i don't think too much no more. i don't care too much no more.

afterall, i still think life is unfair. people would have so many things to say most of the time. i started to filter, no matter how stupid i think my girlfriend is, she is still my girlfriend, i have to accept her for who she is now (though i remember clearly she was way better before). well, people change, my girlfriend changed, my bf/fiance/now husband changed. my step-dad changed. my mum changed. i changed.

my point is, why bother? this is life. looking back few years behind, when i started this blog, i never thought that 1 day, i will be the pregnant lady trying to share with world how surreal it is the feeling of having a baby. back then, those writings were all about how stupid & lame & unfortunate my life was. This year, Dear Allah tested me & family & He also given me strenght I never had before. The stronger I get, the more people expected from me. How is it fair when I gave you people excuse to be who you are but you never acknowledge my sacrifices of becoming better person so I can get along with you better? People are just selfish like that.

However, everything else doesn't really matter anymore. I will be having a child, out from my body, an out of the world experience. So people, forgive me for being me, last time & this time. Am a proud soon-to-be mommy. Insyaallah dipanjangkan umur.

what's in subang?

2011-04-01T13:12:00.002+08:00

Today is Friday & am in a bitchy mode - i saw a couple of walking hipsters in my mall. Period.

03.03.2011

2011-03-03T14:40:00.001+08:00

satu masa dulu, 03.03.2004

hari ini 03.03.2011, manusia takkan berhenti berubah, kenalah terima perubahan tu seadanya.

soal hidup & mati, ajal & maut, jodoh & pertemuan

2011-02-05T12:35:00.003+08:00

satu:
zuriat darah daging aku akan dilahirkan ke muka bumi soon, insyaallah

dua:
perpisahan datang dalam pelbagai bentuk, dalam kisah hidup kami, perceraian bukanlah perkara luar biasa

tiga:
menjurus kepada hidup sendiri lagi mama. kerana kami darah daging dia, tak mungkin perceraian terjadi antara kami, alhamdulillah

empat:
happy face & ketawakan diri sendiri dalam menghadapi ujian ni adalah satu-satunya pilihan yg kami ada.

lima:
akhirnya, aku faham erti bahagia sebenar: kiblat

hi, saya betul2 mengandunglah! :)

2010-12-24T00:30:00.002+08:00

22 weeks & kicking!

4 months;

2010-11-11T12:53:00.005+08:00

baby waved at mommy during scanning today. oh joy!

am i lucky enough?

2010-10-19T14:48:00.006+08:00

Peeps,

Am 12-13 weeks pregnant, still wandering around Empire Shopping Gallery pushing myself as I used to claim this as my dream job. Yes, dream job. What the hell am I thinking?

I've got head-huntered by an agency, to send me over for an interview at KLCC. Same post, same shit but bigger opportunity, bigger company with bigger perks of course. But hey, am I lucky enough? I almost forgot that am married & carrying a child now. Nobody would hire a pregnant lady thus I felt like am such a loser cause if I really get a job there, my whole maternity expenses will be fully-covered. Ah dang!

At the end of the day, job is just a job. Am hesitating to either devote myself to this child in future or fully commit to this-so-called-dream-job, rise & fall again and again. Ugh.

Not all news are bad. I'll get my husband to live with me soon. We are no longer weekends' husband & wife. Thank you God, I am so lucky.

Bitter smile.

newsflash;

2010-08-31T10:39:00.000+08:00

this is my 3rd test kit.

ijab kabul ii;

2010-08-26T12:22:00.006+08:00

we had strong chemistry with our wedding photographers;

2010-08-26T11:36:00.011+08:00

how i feel today;

2010-08-23T13:56:00.003+08:00

kalau la ada satu hari dalam hidup aku takat ni yg i really need a shoulder to cry on, it would be today.

dalam banyak2 tahun dalam hidup aku takat ni, tahun ni yg most tak inspired.

dalam banyak2 cita2 yg aku kejar selama ni, cita2 yg satu ni yg patut aku paling proud with.

am supposed to be at my very peace, tapi aku kekok sesuaikan diri dgn aku yg baru.

love in krabi

2010-08-18T14:00:00.007+08:00

i never go crazy over beach, nor island, nor getting myself burned under the 40 celcius hot sun just to look sexy tanned.

but, i fell in love with krabi. the 5 star tree house, the private pool in our honeymoon villa, breakfast served in our room every single morning, cartoon channel that made us laugh non stop, mew on the stereo every evening, the sounds of bird chirping, caterpillars dropped by & say hello before they becoming lovely butterflies, we were in our own small, happy little forest, the lovely people we encountered, wind blew subtly on our face, not saying goodbye but see you again. so much love there we left, my honeymoon was perfect.

alhamdullilah.

straight face;

2010-07-22T00:57:00.004+08:00

saya rasa saya rindu suami sayalah. rasa macam nak tampal gambar great wall of china banyak2 kat dinding. ngeh.

plus size sexxxaayyy;

2010-07-19T11:20:00.001+08:00

Read for your own good:

http://www.vogue.com/feature/2010_April_Kate_Dillon/

http://shine.yahoo.com/event/bikini/model-kate-dillon-speaks-out-about-being-too-skinny-too-plus-size-and-whats-up-with-the-crystal-controversy-2015056/

he took my love, then ran around

2010-07-17T12:49:00.005+08:00

husband flew off to beijing last night. as much as how okay i am with that, i still hope am there with him, watching the great wall of china, standing and just watching.

i've been practicing to divert my negative thoughts into something else - imagining it vice versa. it does not work, but at least i try.

so, we honeymooners are going to krabi on the 3rd aug. hope to come back, looking tanned & proceed with ramadhan. positive mantra, positive.

-my saturday at work-desk, bahhh-

statement berani;

2010-07-07T22:52:00.007+08:00

okay, i honestly think this song is good. (lari jauh2 sambil tekup muka)

pengantin lama

2010-07-05T13:22:00.010+08:00

i have no magic hands, but i don't know why i insisted to do every single things on my own for my wedding. these are just little things yang orang lain tak ambil pusing pun, but i want it my way and that makes me happy;

above flower buttons i did for fun, some were given away as buttonnaire and whole lot more ada dalam gobok ajaib aku currently. :)

menyeksa diri nak jugak letak ribbon kat kad tu.

final look of the button-corsages for kakitangan yg bertungkus lumus di majlis perkahwinan saya.

All totally d.i.y.

Cheers!

lucky;

2010-06-27T01:22:00.005+08:00

Despise the fact that i really really hate my hairdo during Kuantan's reception and the 10 inches ugly make-up that the stupid "pak andam" did (i wiped off the make-up & succumbed to the fact that i was destined to not wearing make-up on my big day), these cute kids (weddingbellsphotos.blogspot.com) are really talented & cheer me with these lovely wedding shots! Oh God, am so lucky. Big smile.

Somehow, I really looked happy in above pictures kan? Smile. Suka! Thanks Baha & Barney! Cheers!

check rock, check rock!

2010-06-26T11:38:00.002+08:00

8.35 - 9.10pm TONITE! Check, check, ok go!

http://www.urbanscapes.com.my/music/

mula;

2010-06-24T23:06:00.001+08:00

saya cari happiness. kdg2 sangat saya jumpa. dapat sentuh sekejap, terus happiness lari pergi. saya cari-cari lagi. really sure, nanti2 dapat tangkap and sentuh sekejap. jadilah kot.

am at peace today;

2010-06-21T15:12:00.004+08:00

Our new 2-rooms apartment. I stay here alone most of the time. Though I always complaint that weekend-wife was never my ambition, nah, here I am now. This place is still incomplete, target to get it done by Eid this year.

Wa Caya Lu la Chetan Bhagat;

2010-06-18T12:39:00.001+08:00

Don’t just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order. There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.

Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same is with life where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die.

One thing about nurturing the spark - don’t take life seriously. Life is not meant to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up?

It’s ok, bunk a few classes, scoring low in couple of papers, goof up a few interviews, take leave from work, Enjoy with your friends, fall in love, little fights with your loved Ones . We are people, not programmed devices.

Don’t be serious, be sincere

--- By Chetan Bhagat

ijab kabul;

2010-06-14T20:01:00.007+08:00

8 years, now we will start new beginning.

bikin panas;

2010-06-10T21:43:00.002+08:00

adik: woi kak, ko dah kawin, selalu pulak balik sini?

mama: kan husband dia takde sini, dia takut tinggal umah baru dia sorang2.

adik: ek eleh. dah tu, umah ko kat damansara tu sape duk?

aku: bobo (rabbit aku).

mama: (gelak2)

adik: ek eleh. baik ko tak pyh kawin!

aku: (rasa nak tendang kepala adik aku laju2)

biar kita cerita pasal kahwin sampai muntah;

2010-06-09T21:55:00.003+08:00

diam. aku sedang fokus, apa perasaan beza yg wujud jauh jauh tu dalam hati aku bilamasa aku bukan lagi aku yg dulu. diam lagi. fokus lagi. tiada beza sangat pun. tapi bau2 kemarahan masih ada di situ, tak gerak mana2 pun. sah. sahlah aku ni memang orang yg marah sentiasa. nothing wrong with that kan? tentu manusia beza2.

dari mula hari pertama bergelar tunangan orang sehinggalah ke malam terakhir sebelum bergelar isteri, takda satu detik pun yg tak mencabar. owh, baru aku faham bila orang asyik2 cakap bertunang tu banyak dugaan. betul, memang betul.

ini benda yg selalu aku bagitau orang2; "i love my job, i love my job". sampailah aku tak sedar, kerja aku tu memakan hidup aku sikit demi sedikit. jadi? bukan semua yg kita mau kita akan dapat kan? adil.

seminggu sebelum majlis perkahwinan, aku tak tido straight. bukan jelmaan panda lagi, aku nampak org 2-3 bayang. fun jugak life aku masa tu, nampak banyak je sekeliling aku selalu. tapi, aku ni memang jenis yg teguh, lepas juga majlis ijab kabul & majlis persandingan aku yg aku anggap perfect. amin. jelaslah Allah memang sayangkan aku. alhamdulillah.

enough talking. gambar hiasan buat penyedap mata; doorgift big day aku.

terbaru;

2010-06-08T23:37:00.004+08:00

tiba-tiba.

i decided to visit.

here.

whole lot of things to write about.

but nothing come out.

i need time.

till then.

let me figure honeymoon spot first.

and continue arguing with me long-distance husband.

and still looking at mama with angry face.

but inside, lots of love. lots lots of love.

peace.

joy & pain

2010-06-02T16:42:00.000+08:00

the wedding craze has over. will start sharing on the wedd prep details soon.
cheers!

kata-kata serius;

2010-02-12T10:49:00.002+08:00

Apa ada pada kegusaran jiwa? Apa ada pada kesedihan yg constantly menjenguk? Kita semua ni manusia, apa segala macam, semua tak kena. Saat engkau jatuh terduduk, pilihan kau sendiri utk bangkit berdiri, terus berlari atau terus membaringkan diri menyerah utk dilanyak makin banyak kekalutan menimbun. Aku tak pandai bicara tuturkata kesedihan terlampau. Tapi aku sama saja macam kamu semua, lalui jatuh bangun, terduduk berlari.

Tapi biar terang, aku sangat pasti saat ini bila aku terduduk, aku seperti mahu serah diri & play dead. But hey, help! am alive, still.

2010-02-05T11:38:00.003+08:00

Not only because Placebo is set to rock KL, this budak Hackem Elektrischer playing for the opening! Am so proud of u kiddo! Am soooooooooo going!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Info:

Date/Time: 16th March 2010

Venue: KL Live

Ticket Prices: RM98 & RM158

Local supporting acts includes DJs Hackeem Elektrischer, Twilight Actiongirl and singer Ikwal. Tickets are available at all Axcess outlets, Rock Corner outlets, Music Valley outlets, Extreme outlets and on the event day itself. The first 500 to purchase the tickets are entitled to a free Placebo Live in KL t-shirt while stocks last.

Kisah tunang membawak ke kahwin part 1;

2010-02-04T21:13:00.000+08:00

I guess by now i should be worried already. But somehow, everything moves in slow-motion. Maybe it's me, maybe our financial situation, maybe it's my new job and most probably am freaking out. Well, give me time, aku slowly ambik mood & momentum....Am getting married soon! So, just for fun, to build up the hype, i'll be posting more of my engagement pictures, u know, just to keep me very much aware of how near my wedding day is...

These are hantaran bertunang tu hari. All diy by me & my mom.

Well, am not really into flowers then, so I reminded mom again & again tak nak bunga2 sgt. But, since jiwa dah semakin matang, mungkin masa kahwin nanti akan byk bunga2 pulak.

more coming;

2010-02-01T23:41:00.000+08:00

Our diy candy boxes. Done by fiance. :)

Yeah, we are totally going for diy wedding.

Credit to stylemepretty.com

Wedding preparation: quick updates;

2010-01-30T14:19:00.000+08:00

Duit keluar macam air:

1. Entah ke berapa ribu kali visit Jln TAR

2. Sudahnya beli beaded-wool-lace @ biwanis, the curve (for wedding dress on big day)

3. Lace yg over-kerawang tu utk selendang nikah

4. Mix-match: songket(kurung nikah)+full-pattern lace(selendang nikah)+matching songket (samping)+silk crepe(baju melayu nikah)

Total d.i.y by Pn. Hasnah & soon-to-be-bride daughter;

Button-corsages for friends & kakitangan yg akan dipaksa utk membantu on my wedding day! Hoho!

bunga pahar kami-carnation made from cloth

comeback

2010-01-29T12:33:00.000+08:00

2010

2010-01-01T13:28:00.011+08:00

Mulanya aku plan nak this entry to be the last entry of 2009. Tapi...terjadi the very 1st entry for 2010 pula.

Semalam & hari ni mcm sama. Macam tiada beza apa2 pun? Last night aku duduk melepet di rumah watched tv rancangan mengarut-ngarut. New year eve last year (2008 ke 2009) fiance proposed me. Noted, we're still not married. Aku tau dah sepuluh ribu org asyik tanya, "bila korang ni? bila?". Dengan muka selamba kitorang akan jawab, "Soon, soon." Dalam hati aku pula pekik, "SABAR LAH. INGAT KAWIN PAKAI AIR LIUR KE? DUIT TAK CUKUP LAGI TAU TAK?! INGAT KAWIN PAKAI SIKIT DUIT?????!!! PFATWWWTHHHHTAFFFF!". Dalam hati je la aku maki2 mcm tu pun. Sebabnya betul la kena tempat apa yg diorang cakap2 tu. We've been together like forever and it takes like forever juga la for us to settle down? Ramai kawan2 yg dulu takda boyfriend, sekarang dah nak kahwin2 dah pun. Sigh. Dapat bayangkan tak betapa down kami rasa? Tapi takpa, jodoh takkan ke mana kan? Kan?

Cerita lain....

Dah lama aku niat nak hadiahkan my girlfriend sorang ni my favourite thing. Ni, bawah ni adalah my favourite thing:

I've owned this lovely DM boot for quite some time already (7 years?). Though it's a bit too big for me & that's why aku jarang pakai but this is one of my favourite. So, girlfriend, happy 26th birthday. I heart you.

Sedihnya to let go of this. Fa, this better be your favourite birthday gift tau. ughhhhh!!!!

mode: kelakar

2009-11-02T15:04:00.001+08:00

Monday November 2, 2009

Divorce-hit Terengganu wants to spice up sex life of newly-weds
By R.S.N. MURALI

KUALA TERENGGANU: Body odour, humdrum sex and boring pyjamas have been blamed for the high divorce rate in Terengganu and the state government is coming up with innovative ways to improve sexual relations, especially among newly-weds.

Top on its list is to invite cosmetic firms to introduce exotic and sensuous fragrances that can arouse sexual desire.
And husbands and wives are being encouraged to bathe together.

State Religious and Information Committee deputy chairman Muhammad Ramli Nuh believes that these moves can curb the divorce rates among young couples.

He told The Star yesterday that at least three in every 10 marriages in the state end in divorce, adding that separation was now the prevalent trend among couples aged between 25 and 30 years.

Muhammad Ramli said couples who had been married for less than five years and were on the verge of separation had told counsellors that routine sex and body odour were the main reasons for them to want to break up.
He said he was bewildered that some of these couples said their spouses’ old-fashioned pyjamas – sarong and t-shirt – and bad smell during intimate moments made their sex life monotonous or turned them off completely.
“I know of one case where a separation was triggered just because the spouse smelled of fish crackers,” he said.
As such, he said the state government – through state Family Development Board – was asking cosmetic firms to introduce special perfumes for the couples so they could “sustain their relationships, hopefully for eternity.”
Muhammad Ramli said married couples should bathe together to make their relationship more exciting.

“I met this elderly couple in Kelantan, they bathe together although they are grandparents; they enjoy a blissful marriage, this is when I mooted the idea where this method could be introduced as part of the pre-marital courses conducted in the state,” he said.

Muhammad Ramli said the state government was also sourcing for consultants to provide grooming workshops.
“This workshop is not only meant for the wives but also to provide men with tips on how to be attractive to their spouse at all times,” he said.

He said these consultants could also suggest the right lingerie to be worn.
Muhammad Ramli added that the state government had engaged marriage consultants to mediate between feuding couples.

source: http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2009/11/2/nation/5020861&sec=nation

Menjadi dewasa;

2009-10-29T12:00:00.003+08:00

This is the time when I realize clearly that the people I could count on are actually totally superficial only. And the part that I hate the most is, I learn to take it easy on them, because am simply sick of living like I lived before; being deep & concern on every single matters.

I found out that I can't have a conversation with someone younger without feeling that they are only pretending to understand how it feel....conversations become meaningless so I search for something more & this leads to my own isolation.

People start asking about work and for the first time ever, I actually give a damn when I doubt a straight-answer which leads me to contemplate my own worth.

The majority of "friends" are only there when they're high in the dark area but once the sun shoot my eyes, I come to realize am always on my own. This explains why most of them think am a boring person now.

But am okay, am just growing old.

masa depan yg buat aku t'senyum;

2009-10-16T16:03:00.003+08:00

http://www.estate123.com/reviews_articles/article_review_detail.aspx?r_id=5A

Bukan dunia korporat, jauh sikit dari dunia plastik, aku nak mulakan perjalanan.

Career Development

2009-09-30T10:20:00.004+08:00

Aku bukan orang suka tukar2 kerja, tapi aku pentingkan kepuasan diri, ok, aku penting diri. I get bored easily doing repetitive duty. Dalam masa setahun selepas sahaja grad aku dah ada di 1-2 organisasi. Masih tak puas hati. Masih mencari. Dapat. Masih mencari lagi. Tak dapat. Mencari lagi.

Tapi sila rujuk ini sebagai teladan;

Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), the 3rd president of the United States, distinguished himself aslo as a horticulturist, statesman, architect, archaeologist, paleontologist, author, inventor and founder of the University of Virginia.

He poses a direct contradiction to "purist" who speak against developing into more than one professional pursuit and counsel against pursuing many interests in one's lifetime.

While not many may match Jefferson for brilliance, most would welcome diversity and variety in their lives as an effective antidote to boredom & staleness.

- Dr. Elizabeth Nair, CEO of Work & Health Psychologists, The Star, 30th Sept 2009-

BEBEL

2009-09-14T14:28:00.002+08:00

hari ini aku rasa nak bebel-bebel. hari ini aku rasa nak emo-emo. hari ini aku rasa nak marah-marah. pembaca hantu sekalian (aku mentioned hantu sb aku tau takda org pun yg baca blog ini), ketahuilah hakikatnya, bebel2, emo2, marah2 adalah perangai aku sehari-hari bukan hari ini saja.

takpa. bagi aku peluang ok.

aku nak bebel tentang bad traits aku. dlm resume aku tulis;

Possess good interpersonal character.
Energetic and highly motivated.
Able to work independently or in a group.
Fast learner, always eager to learn new things
Able to work under minimum supervision

See? Kamu orang tulis yg itu2 juga tak dlm resume? To impress? Or to jadi biasa2, I guess ramai org tulis those things in resume kan? Padahal aku rasa resume ni aku tiru dari one of my classmate di college dulu (now he's married).

Back to main point nak cerita ttg bad traits aku kan. Dah dekat 3 minggu aku heret seret kaki paksa diri pergi kerja. Masalah? Ingat tak cerita aku dulu sewaktu aku juga tidak happy di Astro? Tiba2 aku sedar, aku tak happy di semua tempat. Sigh. Maybe masalahnya bukan tempat kerja, tapi me? Obvious?

Jauh dalam sudut hati, aku rasa bersalah sebab selalu tak puas hati dengan SEMUA benda. Mcm tak bersyukur. Aku nak cari lagi, kejar lagi, lagi & lagi.

Aku lagi update resume aku yg entah apa apa entah. So, for now aku declare diri aku sebagai sang nomad, yg akan berpindah kerja dari satu organization ke organization yg lain. Aku nak minta tolong kawan2 ni, next time jgn tanya aku kerja di mana ok. I could be anywhere everywhere. Yang pasti, I didn't get the job to be based in UK tu. Not good enough. Not good enough.

Seperti biasa, aku down.

self-motivate

2009-09-14T11:45:00.005+08:00

ini bukan sessi bangga diri. tapi aku perlu ini utk bantu aku bangun & ingat semula apa yg selama ini aku kejarkan.

KLIUC'S 6th convocation (Aug 2008)

"Nor Helina binti Mohd Noor, KLIUC's valedictorian and also top achiever from the School of Linguistic Infrastructure and Liberal Studies with total CGPA of 3.944 delivered hermoving speech on behalf of the graduates".

Robot Asmara EP Launch Gig;

2009-08-12T10:35:00.003+08:00

Date: 7th August, 2009

Time: 830pm

Venue: Taman Budaya, Kuala Lumpur

Attended by: Beloved friends & very little people who appreciate our music. Kudos. It was supposed to be personal & intimate like that and we appreciate your support.

It was a beautiful hell, through magnificent processes, we did it!

We're officially launched!

from the newspaper;

2009-07-21T10:25:00.002+08:00

Model fined and ordered whipped for drinking beer

KUANTAN: The Syariah High Court here has fined a model RM5,000 fine and ordered her whipped six times after she pleaded guilty to consuming an alcoholic drink in public last year.

Syariah Judge Abdul Rahman Yunus said Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarnor, 32, from Sungai Siput in Perak would be imprisoned three years if she failed to pay the fine.

Kartika was accused of consuming beer at the Cherating Bay Lounge of the Legend Hotel in Cherating at 11.40pm on July 11.

She was charged under Section 136 of the Pahang Administration of the Islam Law and Malay Custom Enactment.

The accused, who cried when the judgement was delivered, said she would appeal. — Bernama

Undang2 seperti di atas diguna pakai di KL kota durjana tak? Ramai je budak2 bantai minum di tempat awam mcm tak bersalah?

dasar;

2009-07-03T10:54:00.002+08:00

aku selalu dgr org ckp, if kita bekerja di government sector, culture kerjanya sgt berbeza. kita tak boleh tunjuk pandai sgt. kita tak boleh tunjukkan daya saing. kita tak boleh rushing for jobs utk disiapkan cepat. kita harus tunduk & patuh pada senior, walaupun dia baru mula kerja satu bulan awal. pendek kata, kita kena acting stupid lah. hari ini, i experienced it myself. so, i guess, it's proven lah.

melayu.

Masih optimistik;

2009-07-02T10:19:00.002+08:00

2nd day at my new desk;

Around 10.20am, I received sms from fiance's mom, "congratulation & all the best in your new job. semoga diberkati Allah selalu". :) (sesiapa yg mengenali aku & fiance, pasti korang tau betapa msg itu bererti). senyum lagi.

Aku still dlm positive mantra. Sila support aku utk kekal optimistik.

Semalam masa bed talk sama mama, masa aku bercerita ttg tempat kerja baru, mama tak henti2 terkekeh-kekeh. Mama ckp aku mcm culture shock, dari terbiasa bekerja di tempat yg kerah aku sampai kering ke tempat kerja yg 80% staffnya golongan warga matang. Seriously, susah nak nampak orang muda2 sekitar bangunan. Now aku rasa mcm aku rindukan suasana kerja di Astro. Ugh. Tidak.

Tapi, aku still positif. Aku still semangat utk jadi optimistik. Aku akan kerja bersungguh-sungguh. Cewah.

2009-07-01T13:52:00.002+08:00

1 Julai 2009

Hari ini journey working life aku bermula sekali lagi. Tapi cycle yg baru di tempat yg baru. Aku tak mau pre-judge tempat ini sb aku dah janji dgn diri sendiri utk jadi optimistik dgn kerja baru.

Aku eager utk cari new apartment dan tinggal seorang diri di dalamnya. Rasanya aku dah bosan sama housemates. Erm...

Pokoknya aku bosan dengan byk perkara. Jadi aku janji sama diri sendiri utk mulakan segalanya again. Am sure in life I'll have to start over again & again. Aku tak puas hati dengan byk perkara yg rasanya aku tak dpt ubah pun. Jadinya, aku janji lagi sama diri sendiri utk belajar tidak ambil tahu.

Hari ini, aku positif. (Tersenyum)

kenali diri, kenali apa erti berkawan, kenali hidup ini;

2009-06-03T17:23:00.003+08:00

selepas bertahun2 menggelar diri masing2 sebagai kawan, byk kejadian masih mengaburkan erti musabab itu terjadi.

aku negatif

aku selalu risau

aku paranoid

aku deep

aku tidak pilih utk jadi plastik

tapi, kita masih kawan.

aku cuma sekarang sedang cari erti tentang semua. seorang berubah kerana ditinggalkan, seorang lagi berubah kerana berjumpa teman sehidup sematinya, seorang lagi secara tidak sedar takut kehilangan & sering mahu catch up dgn apa saja yg aku usahakan. or maybe, aku juga telah berubah yg mengakibatkan mereka berubah?

ok. sentap, aku harus buka mata. kenapa aku perlu rasa ini semua? sedangkan mereka cuma hiraukan tentang aktiviti hujung minggu utk buat hati gembira, tentang teman lelaki kacak yg takut dipandang orang, tentang aturcara perkahwinan mengejut yg mereka plan. aku? sibuk risaukan mereka gembira atau tidak? macam mana nak buat mereka gembira? macam mana nk buat mereka tidak merasa keseorangan? ceh. dalam tak sedar, hati aku tak senang.

jadi, aku berkeputusan, kalau kau tak perlu relationship yg deep, mari jadi superficial saja. enough kan? kalau kau hanya mahu kongsi kesusahanmu, tapi berlalu pergi bila kamu tuntutkan ruang, aku juga penat menadah telinga, kalau kau tidak mahu berkongsi kebahagiaan & kegembiraan aku sebaliknya mahu bersaing siapa yg akan lagi bahagia, aku tarik diri dari mutual competition yg kau lancarkan itu.

aku penat menjadi aku. aku penat membahagiakan kamu orang.

biarkan aku jadi seperti kamu semua.

Latest;

2009-05-18T15:25:00.003+08:00

akhirnya, we will be performing at one of my favorite place! yay!

Entri bukan serius 1

2009-05-08T15:48:00.001+08:00

http://makeupkahwin.blogspot.com/2009/05/make-up-tunang-helina.html

Entri 1, Fasa 1;

2009-05-07T10:41:00.000+08:00

Kata orang, kaki aku dah selangkah ke alam perkahwinan. Kata orang, tanggungjawabnya berat. Aku tidak akan pernah sama seperti aku yg dahulu. Pemikiran waras aku, ya, 70% betul. Hendakkan lagi kata2 itu datangnya dari golongan yg dah lebih dahulu telan asam garam kehidupan. Yang telah lebih dahulu melalui pancaroba kehidupan perkahwinan. Lagi 30% pemikiran waras aku, hidup aku adalah jalan aku sendiri. Hidup kau tentulah jalan hidup kau sendiri. Aku telan dan resap kata2 nasihat yg aku yakin bakal berguna buat pedoman kala aku goyah tidak tahan berdiri besok besok.

Tetapi…selalu ada tetapinya buat aku. Aku punya idea dan pemahaman yg tersendiri tentang tanggungjawab, bagaimana aku menjadi seseorang yg lain bila aku berkeputusan utk menyiapkan diri sbg seorang isteri. Wow. Isteri.

Aku sama lelaki itu belum lagi untuk seumur hidup. Belum tentu lagi untuk selama-lamanya. Tapi itu doa aku saban hari bila sujudkan kepala menunduk meminta kepada Yang Maha Esa. Lima tahun bersama dan awalan dua tahun sebelumnya dlm proses mengenal hati budi, aku dan si lelaki telah semai ideologi sendiri tentang perkahwinan, tentang ikrar sehidup semati, tentang masa depan, tentang membina keluarga bersama.

Tentang kejujuran, tentang keikhlasan, tentang kasih sayang ini, bagi aku, tidak boleh diajar dan ditelunjuk ikut buat sehari dua. Itu nilai2 yg tertanam dalam diri oleh pengalaman hidup, latar belakang keluarga dan yg paling penting prinsip kendiri. Tiada manusia yg sempurna. Tidak aku, tidak juga engkau. Kita meniti kehidupan setiap hari mencuba utk jadi yg terbaik. Bagi aku, mencuba utk hidup dgn baik. Sebab, bagi aku sendiri, cuma aku, pengalaman peribadi aku, hidup selalunya tidak begitu baik selama ini. Nah. Itukan pengalaman aku. Manakan sama dgn pengalaman kamu orang semua yg mungkin lain jalannya. Jadi, bagaimana nak kau debatkan segala macam ini pada telinga aku yg sabar menadah? Adoi. Bingit.

Ya. Kami bertunang. Ya. Kami bersedia. Ini cara kami. Mungkin sama dgn cara kamu, mungkin juga lain sama sekali dari cara kamu. Niat suci kamu yg mengharapkan kami sentiasa berjaga-jaga tentang segala macam itu ini aku hargai. Ikhlas. Tapi, tolong henti asyik berikan aku input tentang norma2 tipikal kehidupan perempuan isteri budaya melayu. Untuk pengetahuan kamu semua, aku masih ingat bangsa dan agama asal akar umbi aku. Cumanya, aku tegas bahawa sesetengah norma itu harus ditukar persepsi dan aplikasinya utk kebaikan dunia hari ini. Itu saja.

Doakan kami sampai ke jinjang pelamin. Doakan kami kekal bahagia selamanya sebab itu yg kami kejar2 selama ini. Amin.

Sebelum aku jadi rusuk kirinya, telah aku tandatangan perjanjian itu awal2. Aku telah sedia sejak lama dulu. Ikhlas.

perihal cerewet;

2009-04-16T19:42:00.000+08:00

aku rasa, kalau semua professional make-up artist, freelance make-up artist & mak andam pak andam sekitar klang valley ni buat gathering, tentu2 KESEMUA mereka akan bercerita tentang aku. sebab: 13 hari lagi sebelum 1st may, aku still belum decide which mak andam to conteng my face. bak kata mama aku, "nak yg murah, cantik, perfect....make up la sendiri, kalau buruk pun kau maki la diri kau sendiri". cis. sarcastic.

obviously, aku mampu;

2009-04-11T01:19:00.000+08:00

Trial make-up for engagement, done by vanz lee;

cubaan aku mengawal ciri2 kewanitaan menjadi!

but then, obviously la kan, aku masih belum bersedia menjadi dewasa;

(p/s: Ly, bolehkah aku pose seperti di bawah masa kau mengetip kamera on the 1st may?)

sampai nanti bila aku rajin utk berkongsi tentang yg lain, ok!

cheers!

tinggal sebentar;

2009-03-20T12:51:00.000+08:00

saya perlu selesaikan urusan;

sampai berjumpa lagi. saya sedang belajar menjadi dewasa...

Out of all the negative feedbacks;

2009-02-16T11:40:00.001+08:00

Kadang-kadang, kita perlu dimotivate sebegini utk percaya hidup ini ada maknanya. Terima kasih yeah.

http://rvillers.wordpress.com/2009/02/10/robot-asmara/

songket benang emas

2009-02-10T12:19:00.003+08:00

We're settling down. Soon. Hopefully.
Kami terkejar-kejar buat itu ini sebab rasa kami dah agak jauh tertinggal. Tapi bagi sesetengah orang yg percaya tentang kebebasan hidup single (dalam pada itu desak mencari infatuation from time to time) akan doubt dgn keputusan kami ni. Aku keliru. Kan we’ve been together for so many years dah. Inilah masanya. Kalau tak, bila lagi? Nak bina masjid ni kan kerja elok. Tak nak support, jangan bangkang pula.

Engagement budget:

Cincin merisik - RM 500
Cincin tunang - RM2000

Baju utk majlis pertunangan - RM500
Kos makan utk jamuan pertunangan - RM 500
Kos barang hantaran utk dulang majlis pertunangan - RM1000

Songket utk persalinan pernikahan - RM1500

* harus dikurangkan lagi.

being in hell;

2009-01-23T14:01:00.001+08:00

Masa di bawah;

2009-01-14T15:44:00.000+08:00

Usul kamu tentang aku tak mengerti, tak pernah mengerti. Itu aku bangkang. Bukan aku pandai berkata-kata, putar pusing cerita, cuma aku mahu firm dgn kewarasan aku. Lantas, kita jerit sesama sendiri. Detik yg berulang-ulang itulah yg melahirkan rasa sakit terus jadi sikit kebencian ini. Ada. Cuma sikit.

Boleh padam. Kalau kau tekad semai semula bibit-bibit kegembiraan.

Sedangkan lidah lagi tergigit.

there's always good side of a thing;

2009-01-04T15:41:00.002+08:00

However, I managed to find my equilibrium point while am in Johor;

lovely oxford at only rm59.90

kerja;

2009-01-04T13:58:00.011+08:00

2 weekends in a row, I was in Johor Bahru-Taib Andak-Kulai.

Pictures:

Done.

Good news: I won't be around at Palace for the glam wedding. I'll be down at Johor again that date for a gig. Yeay!

Aku perlu katakan ini;

2008-12-09T17:48:00.001+08:00

Aku mahu beritahu seorang teman, yg hakikatnya kewujudan dia dekat di hati aku, walaupun dia rasa aku hanyalah teman wanita kepada sahabatnya. Walaupun, dia tidak tahu bahawa aku ambil berat dan memang sudah jadi sikap semulajadi aku untuk sentiasa tunjukkan yg aku ambil berat.

Aku dapat lihat dia hanyut jauh, bukan perlahan-lahan, sudah terlalu jauh. Itu buat aku takut. Aku dapat lihat, segala yg ditundingnya kepada orang lain sebelum ini, telah tertunding di batang hidungnya sendiri.

Aku bangga dengan ideologi pemikiran hampir geniusnya. Aku support keberaniannya utk hidup dgn cara yg semua manusia dlm muka bumi ini inginkan, tapi tidak berani lakukan. Dia umpama hero yg beri inspirasi, like a living proof bahawa liberal & freedom itu benar-benar wujud. Tapi kini, aku rasa sudah sampai masanya utk aku cuit kuat bahu kanannya, bisik sinis di telinganya, “Teman, kau sudah pergi jauh. Kau harus toleh ke belakang. Jgn kau salah ertikan pemikiran vs perlakuan kau. Jgn kau halalkan niat dgn cara”.

Aku sedih. Somehow aku dapat rasa. Perasaan ambil berat ini tidak akan sampai dekat jiwa hitam degilnya itu. Tidak akan sampai.

Teman, henti berparanoia. Tolong. Kembali bersama kami. Kami masih di sini. Menunggu kau. Kau bukan seorang.

Buat aku extremely happy;

2008-12-09T11:07:00.002+08:00

Headliners:

The SIGIT (Indonesia)

White Shoes and The Couples Company (Indonesia)

Butterfingers

One Buck Short

Tempered Mental

I was about to cancel my kursus kahwin session right after I heard White Shoes is coming! Pergh! Then, aku buat sedikit research:

Itinerary
5.00pm: Voted Act
5.30pm: Voted Act
6.00pm: Voted Act
6.30pm: Voted Act
7.00pm: Maghrib Break
8.00pm: One Buck Short
8.30pm: Tempered Mental
9.00pm: Voted Act
9.30pm: Laila's Lounge
10.00pm: Bittersweet
10.30pm: White Shoes and The Couples Company
11.00pm: Butterfingers
11.30pm: The SIGIT (Indonesia)
12.00am: Close

Ok. Sekarang aku yakin aku mampu sudahkan kursus kahwin dgn tenang. Aku tidak peduli sikit pun dgn yg lain, aku cuma nak tengok WHITE SHOES andTHE COUPLES COMPANY! (Jeritttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Sekian. Aku kena serangan panik, over-excited. Baik aku pergi toilet & cuci muka sekarang.

part-time LOVERS

2008-11-29T02:20:00.005+08:00

antara kerja & apa sahaja yg aku lakukan dlm hidup. yg ini buat aku kembali kenal siapa diri aku sebenar...

ada soalan utk imej2 di atas... if aku decide utk jadi kakitangan kerajaan, masih boleh buat aktiviti2 seperti di atas tak?

perempuan berhijab sempurna adalah perempuan yg paling seksi

2008-11-25T09:46:00.003+08:00

semalam lepas my so called appraisal session sama senior manager ttg skop kerja, future project & commitment aku, somehow aku telah merasa sikit motivated towards kerja aku. and later that evening, aku terima invitation ini:

selama beberapa bulan ini, aku rasa ini adalah satu-satunya event invitation yg intrigued aku utk really attend. aku mula la simpan harapan agar my superior allow me to attend this since it's happening tomorrow morning 10am-1pm (working hours). Pagi ini aku masuk office agak lewat (seperti biasa, aku selalu lewat). Satu-satunya motivation aku hari ini, wandering whether or not I could attend IFF. Hakikatnya, langit tak selalu cerah, my colleague yg juga dpt same invitation has informed me that mrs. senior manager did not allow us to go. maybe mcm tiada relevan dgn government relations networking. skrg aku rasa down semula. and rasa mahu berhenti kerja telah dtg kembali. yeah, hati aku mmg senang berubah-rubah.

THE ONLY 1 THING THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE MY OWNSELF AGAIN;

2008-11-20T12:48:00.002+08:00

Perihal: busy

Jumaat tengahari aku akan bertolak ke Jasin and will be there until saturday 6 pm (hopefully) when I actually need to get my ass in KL by 9pm for the above gig. We will be playing the clash-london calling & the police-message in the bottle but we only had 1 practice. Thanks to Astro, u makes my life miserable.

Highlight: AKU TETAP NAK BERHENTI!!!

Down

2008-11-19T17:08:00.001+08:00

Working makes me feel old.

Working in Astro makes me feel old.

Working in Corporate Communication & Community Affairs’ Department of Astro makes me feel old.

Working in Government & Public Relations’ Unit of Corporate Communication & Community Affairs’ Department in Astro makes me feel reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally old.

I want to quit.

don't blame the parents;

2008-11-15T20:11:00.001+08:00

i was 19, what do you expect? sigh.

kecewa dgn diri sendiri

2008-11-05T17:53:00.002+08:00

Nor Helina Mohd Noor, based on the results of your free test, your personality type is...

INFP (Introvert, Intuitive, Feeler, Perceiver)

People of this type tend to be: quiet, reserved, and kind; deeply passionate, sensitive, and easily hurt; loving and dedicated to those close to them; creative, original, and imaginative; curious and flexible in small matters; nonconforming. The most important thing to INFPs is their deeply held beliefs and living in harmony with their values.

p/s all this while, i always make myself belief that am extrovert, spontaneous, loud and hard to please. hum. ternyata aku tak kenal diri aku sendiri. down.

Menggeletek, melatah;

2008-11-05T14:08:00.000+08:00

Manusia.

Terlalu cetek dgn pemikiran & fahaman kolot sendiri.

Terlalu kejam utk peka sama hati & perasaan manusia lain.

Terlalu bangga dgn sifat busuk hati & hasad dengki yg wujud dlm jiwa hitam.

Terlalu bodoh utk merasa diri bijak pandai.

Terlalu megah utk merasa diri konon dikenali & disanjung oleh entah siapa siapa entah.

Terlalu gembira utk menempatkan diri dlm lingkungan kumpulan sosial yg pada diri & fahaman tersendiri mereka yg kononya mereka itu significant.

Geleng-geleng.

Kau hanya perlu mentertawakan diri kau sendiri, bukan orang lain.

Kerana kita semua rasa geli hati.

Hari jadi mr. Libra;

2008-10-20T19:23:00.002+08:00

Aku, jarang sekali ingat tarikh lahir teman-teman dekat. Hanya ada satu dua tarikh saja yg aku cuba sedaya upaya utk tidak lupa. 21 Oktober, tarikh lahir mr. boyfriend. Tapi, semalam, he had to rush back to Pekan, Pahang. His grandmother passed away. Jadinya, niat di hati utk ambil cuti hari selasa for zoo trip terpaksa dibatalkan.

Lucky aku sempat beli birthday present & sempat buat lakonan sampai dia tak perasan yang I left the gift box in his car. Tapi, belum sempat tarikh lahirnya lagi, dia dah buka present tu. Ceh. However, it's still a suprise sebab dia tak terfikir langsung aku letak gift box tu di situ. Hehe.

Al-kisah, mr. boyfriend berbintang libra. Sedar tak sedar, hidup sosial aku dikelilingi individu berbintang libra. To be precise, most of boyfriend's friends are libra, bandmates juga libra, housemate juga libra. Hum..... Aku minat horoskop, selalu terjebak mendalami ilmu horoskop utk kepuasan sendiri. Kadang-kadang terbawa-bawa sampaikan jadi judgemental. Ada satu jenis bintang yang tak pernah sesuai dgn aku, aku tak nak sebut di sini sebab nanti orang akan buat bermacam spekulasi. Bukan aku seorang saja yg berpandangan macam tu, orang-orang sekeliling juga setuju yg bintang jenis 'itu' memang selalu timbulkan masalah dalam hidup mereka & aku juga. Sejauh mana ya kebenaran analisa horoskop ni? Ada pakar horoskop tak yang sedang baca entri ni?

p/s: Hey boyfriend, suka tak jam kalkulator casio yg old-skool tu? :)

lekas tua

2008-10-15T16:27:00.003+08:00

Too much to do in too little time.

Too many to run for in such crumbled track.

Dear Senandung, believe me, this is not the life that you would want. Duduk diam2 sana di cyberjaya, aku akan curi masa utk berjumpa kau. Promise.

aktiviti hujung minggu kami;

2008-10-08T17:53:00.003+08:00

so, it's a date? We will be selling our pre-loved/beautiful junks in an extremely cheap price.
-fashion kills fashion-

i do

2008-10-08T10:11:00.004+08:00

Hello blog,

Slowly aku dah bertukar menjadi internet junky? Bila kepala serabut & otak terasa nak berilham (lah sangat), aku tuju blog ini, mula merapu.

Aku brag to everybody yg aku tak dapat cuti raya, tapi David dgn baik hatinya allowed sesiapa yg celebrate Eid utk amik leave on Friday tu. But, aku ni tamak/malas (dua menda tu tak sinonim langsung) thus, aku tak datang kerja on Mon & Tue. Blueekk. Ikutkan hati, pagi ni pun aku malas nak pergi kerja. Aku malas, kurang motivasi, still dalam mood nak menganggur. Mana taknya, selesai degree, aku berjimba tak sempat sebulan & dah mula bekerja. :(

Sekarang, walaupun aku masih struggle with everything, satu perkataan yg akan buat aku berangan tak tentu pasal ialah KAHWIN. :)

tagged

2008-09-25T12:34:00.003+08:00

* State 15 weird things/ habits/ little known facts about yourself.

1. I’ll get offended menonton cerita tentang kasih sayang bapa terhadap anaknya. Kesan akibat tumbesaran aku yg tragik la ni.

2. Aku selalu marah diri sendiri bila aku tak mampu untuk tidak menjadi pendengar setia. Aku sebenarnya dah penat memegang watak over-protective, seorang kawan yg defensive demi kegembiraan kwn sendiri (yg rasanya buat mereka rimas at times); contohnya: aku akan warn my gf to let me to get to know the guy that she’s going to date awal2 sebelum diorang mulakan relationship, aku akan marah the other gf yg tak dpt control diri but keep haunting her ex, I bebel her instead of hugging her but that’s how I show I care. Well, aku hanya buat mcm ni to both of these girls saja sb aku sayang mereka.

3. Bila gaduh dgn boyfriend, aku akan ungkit segala macam perkara yg pernah dia buat pada aku. Yes, aku pendendam.

4. Aku gemar berjalan seorang diri, menonton wayang seorang diri, bershopping seorang diri tapi tak mampu say no pada kwn2 yg ajak aku keluar bersama.

5. Aku jarang2 sekali menelefon kwn2 sekadar bertanya khabar or utk berborak. Mungkin sebab mereka dh ajar aku utk menunggu cerita2 mereka.

6. Walaupun aku selalu merungut pada mr. boyfriend yg aku perlu kuruskan badan, hakikatnya I love my fleshy curve and aku merungut sebenarnya hanya sekadar nk dgr mr. boyfriend kata, “I think u have great shape, u don’t have to lose weight cause I find skinny women errr… a major turn-off”. Haha! Padahal, bila aku selalu sgt merungut dia akan ckp “Okay, besok kita pergi swimming”. Di situ, aku dah rasa bengang sb dlm hati aku nk jugak prove kan yg sebenarnya dia teringin tgk aku kurus (cantik).

7. Dari fakta ke-6 di atas, korang dah boleh agak yg aku ni memang jenis paranoid & judgemental kan? Fine. Aku terima. Tapi jgn ckp korang tak buat tanggapan or judge orang. Tipu.

8. Bak kata mr. boyfriend, aku tak mengambil masa yg lama utk meyiapkan muka sebelum keluar. Tapi yg membuatkan aku lambat selalunya adalah sebab aku akan keep changing clothes 7-8 kali sebelum keluar.

9. Aku akan tiba2 menangis tak semena-mena bila datang perasaan gelap itu. Bila dah jadi mcm tu aku akan baring atas katil, tarik selimut, selubungkan seluruh badan & nangis sepuas-puasnya.

10. Aku selalu risaukan pandangan keluarga mr. boyfriend terhadap susun-atur family aku yg dysfunctional and selalu terbayang mama dia tak benarkan dia kawin sama aku. Haha. Ok, ok. Aku paranoid & judgemental.

11. Aku sceptical pada semua menda/perkara/orang yg tak dekat dgn aku.

12. Aku lebih gemar berkawan sama lelaki dari perempuan. Sebab aku rasa perempuan ni ada sifat mahu bersaing, mulut jahat & tak boleh tgk orang lebih. Tapi, jgn tak tau, ada juga lelaki yg berperangai seperti di atas.

13. Aku tidak suka HARI RAYA. Maaf. SETIAP tahun raya, PASTI ada perkara tak kena yg terjadi dlm hidup aku. See, I told u my family is dysfunctional. But don’t blame them, bukan sebab mereka aku takda raya’s spirit.

14. Aku juga tidak faham kenapa orang beria-ia mahu beli baju raya 2-3 pasang, mcm compulsory walaupun if tak raya kita tetap beli berpasang-pasang juga kan? Buat aku lagi surprise bila housemate aku akan belanjakan sekurang-kurangnya rm300> utk sepasang baju raya.

15. Aku teringin jumpa seseorang yg pernah menyakitkan hati aku dgn cara paling bodoh sekali (menuduh aku attack life-nya secara online). Aku nantikan hari aku bertemu kau, aku akan berdiri tepat di hadapan muka kau & bgtau kau telah menyusahkan hidup aku selama beberapa bulan hanya kerana kau pentingkan dunia cyber. Maaf perempuan, dunia cyber yg kau anggap real ini bukan dunia aku.

Secara paling jujur ingin aku bgtau, aku ni bukan IT savvy so aku susah nk faham bila ada orang yg boleh berkawan mcm BFF secara online sebab aku percaya, in order to really get to know a person, aku perlu melihatnya selalu, bercakap/mendengar suaranya selalu, walaupun mcm tu, belum tentu lagi kita dpt mengenal their true colors.

Siapa kata aku tak spontaneous?

2008-09-22T14:13:00.004+08:00

Aku tak pernah purchase apa2 through online sepanjang hidup ini. Jgn tanya aku kenapa pasal perception & reaction aku terhadap technology, bla, bla, bla....complicated. Last saturday, at Bijou Baazar, seorang customer yg stop by at my stall were wearing this sickeningly adorable handbag! Instead of greeting her, I spontaneously said, "OMG! i love ur bag, i want it, can i see? U beli kat mana?". That girl (her name is Nazreen if am not mistaken) sgt baik hati, simply passed me her handbag while she's still digging my cheap pre-loved stuff. On the spot, aku jadi gila, nak! nak! nak! itu bag! Terus, she started explaining that her sister has this online shop named honey-pumpkin, I can order the bag, bla, bla, bla. She then terus gave me her sister's cell's no. And oh, she bought one of my checkers shirt. Tanpa berlengah lagi, aku terus sms her sister by the name nadia & ordered the bag.

Ok. Sebenarnya ini tak di kira online shopping kan? Pasal aku deal dengan the seller through sms je. Ah, tak kisah la. Yang penting, I can't wait for powly (in 2 weeks time). Yay!

Hah! Now, siapa kata aku tak spontaneous?

fashion kills fashion

2008-09-21T12:52:00.003+08:00

Pasal: Susah mahu di-explain but somehow aku memang ada capability untuk notice easily when there’s people bitching about me (or even orang lain) di mana2 tempat keramaian. Maybe aku ni super-conscious/paranoid or maybe those losers yang memang tak pandai cover line. Anyhow, aku MEMANG akan tau punya.

Lokasi: Bijou Baazar, Menara Hap Seng, 1st Floor, at one stall yg menjual the overrated vintage dresses and please note that we had a stall at this particular even too after a while not joining sebab busy but this time we managed to collect our pre-loved items and got a stall at bijou baazar .

Suspek: Seorang lelaki, boyanese-look, botak, gendut, gelap kulitnya, bert-shirt hitam dengan cermin mata yg purposely dia letak on top of his bald head? And oh, he looked all sweaty & busuk eventhough kita dlm building yg berhawa dingin?
Di sebelah that gendut guy, ada seorang perempuan yg features-nya mcm drag-queen, typically wearing the so-called vintage dress. Anyhow, am guessing both of these people are couple sebab diorang Nampak so secocok dengan visible sign on their forehead “we are ugly yet love bitching about others”.

How?: As I was on the phone with mom, I didn’t realize that my eyes were looking straight at their stall, it was an empty look pun sb I wasn’t thinking about anything. Itulah masanya when the lelaki gendut noticed me & berpaling at the gf, gf discreetly talking to him dengan gaya kononnya nak cover line, pandang tempat lain sambil bercakap & that lelaki gendut mcm, “OHhhhh…..”, di ikuti dgn gelak sarcastic seolah-olah aku tak memandang and then looked at me?! They did that repeatedly, cubaan cuba mengantoikan diri? Or maybe sengaja nk buat aku rasa down, serupa menda yg diorang buat tu mcm psychological attack? Pesanan utk lelaki gendut & drag-queen-look-a-like perempuan: KETARA LAH BODOH!

Reaksi aku: Angin naik kepala, cuba cari Mr. Boyfriend, he wasn’t anywhere near. But…suddenly, aku rasa funny sebab imagine both of them are sadly yugly tapi memang feeling terasa diri sendiri sangat cool sebab berjaya berada di dalam acara keramaian.

Pengajaran: Sesetengah manusia (eh tak, most of manusia) tidak sedar akan diri sendiri and walking out from the house everyday started bitching about others, macamlah diorang yang paling cool sekali. Aduhai, aku sudahnya tak jadi marah tapi kasihan.

Selain dari tu, everything went okay that day;

"Welcome back to this hell", kata Catherine Doreen Scott kepada aku

2008-09-16T10:28:00.005+08:00

Corporate Communications & Community Affairs Team.

Handsome guy yg paling kiri sekali tu adalah bos kami, tak tau kenapa dia nak cangkung mcm tu with the rest of the guys. Well, aku nak tarik balik doa aku agar diberhentikan kerja on my last entry. Pasal semalam, Allah dah uji keberkatan doa aku. And maaf, aku tak berkesempatan nak ambil gambar selebriti2 malaysia yg sebenarnya cantik2 belaka in person. Muka tebal aku sibuk dimaki sepanjang perjalanan event.

sudah

2008-09-01T12:52:00.004+08:00

hidup aku sudah berakhir. kini aku telah menjadi robot yg jalani kehidupan rutin sehari-hari. tapi, hati aku tetap bukan besi.

sekian.

selamat tinggal. buat kali ini. doakan aku diberhentikan kerja.

studio shot

2008-09-01T12:52:00.003+08:00

paper-cutting

2008-09-01T12:52:00.002+08:00

entahlah media akhbar zaman sekarang ni. sigh.

Allah sayangkan aku yg lalai ni;

2008-08-27T01:53:00.000+08:00

critical;

2nd september 2008-Corporate Communication & Community Affairs Department of ASTRO
anytime - start an internship (again) at LB for I have 0 experience in advertising field & even an internship period at LB would open a huge door towards my future career.

Perlu buat sembahyang istikharah.

hari itu, aku pasti aku buat mama bangga;

2008-08-25T03:18:00.001+08:00

RE: ACHIEVEMENT

ok. it's unfair to say that orang selalu pandang rendah pada aku, cuma mereka suka percaya pada benda yg sahih, terang & enak dilihat. Aku rasa down sehari sebelum convocation when I rehearsed my speech in front of not more than 200 audiences, I can see each of those people's face, tercengang & terkejut, kenapa aku yg perlu rehearse speech as best student representative? Mungkin hati mereka terluka bila dapat tahu, entah macam mana, I scored 3.944 & grad with flying colours. Hakikatnya, hati aku juga terluka (sikit) sebab kerana itu, aku rasa sikit beban di bahu aku bilamana people expecting me to be someone else and not myself. Then, I struggled with the speech draft, changed it over & over again, cuba mengikut nasihat para pensyarah yg to be honest, aku tak berapa kenal sepanjang masa aku di KLIUC. Sorry people, aku bukan student yg suka spend time dgn lecturer menerima nasihat ttg masa depan dalam pada masa yg sama cuba membodek utk extra marks.

Very last minute, very late at night, before the graduation day, I decided to change the whole thing. And aku tekad, speech yg difinal-edit (oleh aku sendiri, bukan para lecturer yg power English) itulah yg akan aku bacakan dihadapan bukan lagi 200 orang, tapi around not less than 1000 audiences on the actual day (my big day). Thanks to En. Amir.

Ok now, aku nak tukar fakta yg aku typed in dalam entry lepas, sebelum aku menuturkan speech aku on 23rd Aug; my speech was not boring. suprisingly, my speech buat jiwa kental aku sebak & juga audiences yg mendengar sebak sama. So people, don't judge me by my snobby face. Aku mampu buat orang terharu ok!

Note: (sms dari En. Amir-23rd Aug 2008, 6:19pm - masa ini aku tgh lepai after menjerit melolong di x-gig, zouk)

I was told by the master of ceremony that he saw a few people who shed tears listening to your speech. Anyway, heartiest congratulations towards your success. Do keep in touch and PLEASE GO TO LEO BURNETT.

So, ini adalah pesanan ringkas aku buat the Master of Ceremony; "Let set a date so we can discuss further on scholarship for Master's Degree!". And juga pesanan ringkas buat En. Amir, "I definitely will consider LB if diorang offer me more than what Astro offered". Hehe. Peace. :)

x-gig at zouk, 23rd August 2008

2008-08-15T03:18:00.005+08:00

aku bukan garang, cuma am hard to please. aku kelihatan cold & snobby like that, but i believe am not. so, macam mana aku nak pergi kat sorang2 and explain yg aku tak garang, cuma aku malu & sikit ignorance. kelemahan la tu kan? so? takkan manusia tiada kelemahan? takkan manusia perfect? takkan kau perfect? kalau kau berbuat baik pada aku, mana mungkin aku balas jahat? kadang2, bila kau buat jahat pada aku pun, aku tetap buat baik. tak cukup lagi?

hujung minggu yg sudah, we had fun at zouk. mocca sounded perfect exactly macam mendengar cd mereka. yes. kami tak berkesempatan bergambar bersama mocca. kami rasa terlalu kerdil untuk chase them up & buat muka tebal ajak bergambar. hum.. aku dipaksa untuk berbuat peramah on stage walaupun i believe that i need not to pretend that sebab aku percaya orang yg datang utk mendengar music bukan pentingkan communication skill band on stage? yes?

padahnya, orang mula judge macam2. tapi, mulut, fikiran & perasaan manusia ni bukan hak manusia lain untuk mengawalnya. cukuplah when i said, i tried. tak cukup lagi?

sabtu ini, adalah hari convocation aku. aku dah siapkan draft speech yg bakal aku tuturkan nanti. seriously, speech aku sgt bosan. so, aku decide not to share them with u guys. ngeh. after convocation, i have to rush to zouk again. we'll be playing as 1 of open act band on that day. this time, aku nekad, naik, capai mike, menjerit dgn nada sumbang, cakap terima kasih & turun dgn hati yg puas. cukup?

ada apa dgn blogging?

2008-07-25T12:58:00.009+08:00

dalam ruang siber ini, kita suka bercerita tentang perasaan, gangguan emosi, permasalahan diri/hidup/kawan2/keluarga/, cerita hari2 pergi mana buat apa mak masak apa mak marah kenapa bf marah kenapa, kelemahan diri yg kemudiannya kita twist sedikit lantas menjadi cerita yg patut dibanggakan. bukankah kita semua ni sukakan perhatian?

hari2 mahu tulis dalam ini, sampaikan sedang berjalan, kepala sibuk memikir "apa nak tulis dalam blog hari ni? gambar yg mana nak upload?". lambat laun, semua akaun kepunyaan peribadi dalam ruang alam maya ini menjadi sebahagian dari percaturan hidup kita. lambat laun lagi, tidak dapat dibendung, sebenarnya telah menjadi hidup kita. kita lebih suka berkomunikasi & berinteraksi menerusi ruang siber. lebih mudah bagi sesetengah kita fikirkan. pendapat personal aku, lebih mudah nak twist & menjaja cerita yg selalu di-exaggerate lebih2. contohnya, bergaduh dengan kekasih, aku mesti secara spontan jadi bagus dalam menggubah ayat yg kononnya menceritakan perasaan aku ketika itu. the next day, bila dah berbaik dgn si bf, jadi bodoh semula. haha.

tadi, sebelum aku sedari kebodohon diri untuk menjerumuskan diri aku dgn permainan ayat2 dalam ruang blog ni, ada macam2 yg nak aku cerita, twist, sampaikan dalam bentuk paling melodramatic & tragic sekali. hah. aku takkan terpedaya kali ni. at least, for now, aku mampu berfikiran waras, seperti orang sedar diri, tak hanyut dgn dunia siber yg menyesatkan & membawa aku terus jauh dari kehidupan realiti aku yg sebenarnya tak lah seteruk mana pun.

aku masih dalam denial bahawasanya aku harus belajar adapt dengan lebih baik lagi dalam perkembangan arus teknologi hari ini. sebab itulah aku tersinggung bila ada org yg boleh dikategori sbg stranger menegur aku di public sebegini, "hello blogger". aku anggap itu satu penghinaan.

ok. aku mengarut.

dark

2008-07-25T12:58:00.007+08:00

taken by kimie (credit)

sms dari pensyarah muda;

2008-07-25T12:58:00.006+08:00

diterima seawal 11:02 pagi (jadual tidur aku bermula jam 6.30pagi lately, so 11am seumpama pagi yg awal bagi aku)~25th July 2008:

"Helina, u need to prepare speech for convocation. U are the best student, congratulations! Come and see me on monday!".

tiada reaksi. aku hanya ingin sambung tidur. lepas bangun nanti aku fikirkan speech yg perlu aku karang itu ok. tapi, aku terbayangkan duit rm5000 yg bakal aku dapat di hari convocation. now, that is farken motivation! yeah!